I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
