If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
