My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
