gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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