Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
