Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
