I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
