Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize