I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
