You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
