So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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