im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
