I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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