Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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