and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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