I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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