I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize