how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
