I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
