I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
