absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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