Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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