I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
