He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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