I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't deserve a penis
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
