I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
