Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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