we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
