did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
