I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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