is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
