I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
