He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
