what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
