Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
