We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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