Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
