I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
one might say we're banned from that church
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have aggressive nipples.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
