Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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