Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
