I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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