Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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