Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
