I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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