So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
