the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
