Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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