"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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