I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
