in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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