If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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