I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
