I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
