I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
