No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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