My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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