how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
