the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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