Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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