Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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