NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
