Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
