I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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