So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wear drunk well.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
