i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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