ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
