Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
