I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
