I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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