Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
