Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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