The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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